NOTE: I'm going to use the Matrix character names instead of the MatriXXX character names for comparison purposes.
Be aware that Morpheus and Tank are female characters in this one. The other characters that appear are Neo, Cypher, Trinity, and Agent Smith.
Begins with Smith and the cop on the street talking about his officers already being dead while we hear a conversation between Morpheus and Cypher about watching Neo. The cops break in on Morpheus, who is wearing an open black leather vest so that her tits are out. The scene is darkly lit so about all you see is Morpheus running on the wall as she's kicking the crap out of the cops.
After conferring with Cypher, she tries to leave but runs in an agent. She shoots at him but the bullet (and he) do the slo-mo thing, so she misses. He then starts shooting at her as she flees, but he can't seem to hit her even with a clear shot (and he gets several). She runs up to the roof and then jumps off (all while he's shooting at her). She gets to a phone and disappears.
The Neo character makes his first appearance in his apartment with some girl who he proceeds to bang. Afterward he falls asleep in front of his computer and he has some porn website up in his browser. He's somehow awakened by the sound of characters appearing on the screen and he gets the message about the Matrix -- I mean the "Curtain" looking for him. He's told to follow his instincts. He gets the knock on the door.
He opens the door and it is Trinity. She gives him some cryptic advice and then leaves. Later he gets another knock on his apartment door and receives the phone. It rings and Morpheus tells him he's in danger and guides him onto the roof, with agents in pursuit, and tells him to jump off which he does. He then meets up with Trinity who is waiting in her car and she brings him to another building. He meets Cypher who is acting as guard. Neo is sent in to meet with Morpheus.
Morpheus gives Neo the overview of the Matrix and offers him the choice of pills. He takes one and after a few moments things go all wonky on him. He wakes up in the goo vat with a tube down his throat which he removes. From where he is he can see a skyline of a ruined city and other apocalyptic weirdness. He sort of falls out of his little goo vat and goes who knows where.
Cut to a shot of a submarine with stars flying by. Yeah, I don't know what they were going for there. It looks like a sub and they call it a sub, to me it looks like stars flying by at warp speed. Anyway, they pick him up from whereever and clean him off. After he has a good sleep and gets some food, Morpheus takes him to show him the loading program. She shows him some of the things that can be done in there, and points out the two guys doing a blonde chick.
After watching them fuck for several minutes, she gives him the inane backstory which is pretty much the same inane backstory from the Matrix except that somehow the machines are powered by human sexuality. After Neo freaks out, Morpheus apologizes for freeing his mind so late in life, but believed she had no choice and that he's the one, so on and so forth.
Morpheus and Tank talk about whether Neo is ready for the training and whatever and Morpheus confides that she's nervous, so the two of them take the opportunity become orally acquainted with each other's genitals. So a good session of carpet munchery ensues.
The next morning, Tank gets Neo for training and plugs him in, so to speak. I should point out that at one point they go from jamming things into the back of the neck to wearing VR helmets. So, Neo learns a whole lot of combat training including Kung Fu. Well, that was exciting. Moving along with the plot ...
When Trinity is bringing Neo some food while he sleeps, Cypher confronts her about the never bringing him soup stuff and engages her in a conversation about whether Neo is the one or not, yadda, yadda, yadda, and why hasn't Morpheus brought Neo to see the Oracle.
Later Neo is up walking about and encounters Cypher while he's fixing something, or whatever. They have a drink and talk about world saving, and so on, and wishing they'd taken the other pill. Neo leaves and they cut to Cypher in the Matrix chatting with Agent Smith. They come to the agreement about his return to the Matrix in return for giving them Morpheus.
Back in the real world, Cypher tries to access a program with Morpheus but access is denied so he tries one with Trinity and that works, so he puts on his VR helmet and meets the virtual her in a diner whether they proceed to do extremely unsanitary things on the stools and counter top (each other most notably).
Morpheus has a chat with Tank and tells her that they are taking Neo into the Matrix to meet with the Oracle. When Tank leaves, Morpheus grabs a VR helmet and enters the Matrix where she's immediately naked. It seems her residual self image leaves nothing to the imagination -- Good for her. So she fucks some guy for a while. When she's done with him its the end of the movie -- To be continue in part two.
The story begins with a British female pilot being captured by the Nazis. Technically they aren't the Nazis, but it's so transparent that they are the Nazis that we might as well call them that. And since she wouldn't give them her name or say what her mission was, they tortured her in the only reasonable way they could -- By having consensual sex with her.
I mean, I suppose she was their prisoner and there might have been some vague threat of force, but nobody had a gun and she didn't show any signs of not wanting to have sex. She seemed perfectly content to get banged by the interrogator while three female guards stood watch. And for some of the scene they actually looked like they were watching, although most of the time they were looking at the camera or the director or something else off screen -- What professionals.
So, Nikita Denise gets recruited to save the pilot (who had some silly Bondgirlesque name about fucking -- I don't remember what it was) and is told of the exploits of another agent, Mr. X, who is involved in the plan to rescue the girl.
So, Mr. X (who goes by that when talking to people -- He might as well call himself Mr. Look-at-me-I'm-a-spy) injects a miniscule tracking device into his testicles (Ouch!) and then locates the co-owner of a casino who happens to be the sister of one of the pilots captors. Of course this girl looks nothing like her sister -- I don't even think they are from the same race, let alone the same family.
This is also a casino where in the big game in the back room, one of the co-owners (ie. the sister -- she co-owns with her husband and they use the proceeds to fund the Nazis) plays a hand and wins every single time. And no one thinks, that perhaps there's some cheating going on. I should also point out that every hand consists her betting, everyone else calling, and then her winning. Periodically someone leaves the table in disgust because they've run out of money.
So, Mr. X joins the private game, despite no one knowing who he is, and somehow at the end of it, he has money, even though the woman won every hand, and he introduces himself as Mr. X. The two of them discuss the relative benefit of the letters X, Y and E -- Because this is now Sesame Street or something -- And they get down to fucking. The dealer and the guards somehow remain oblivious to the this and go on with their duties (even managing to not look like they are staring off camera). Despite being married, apparently she's enough of a slut that no one thinks twice about her being shagged on the poker table. And conveniently, once they're done, everyone else, including the guards, thoughtfully leave the room. This is for plot reasons because you see the point of this whole exercise was so that Mr. X could shoot his seed, and therefore the tracking device, into her -- And then kill her.
See, because the good guys didn't know where the Nazi camp is, so they put a tracking device in the sister and killed her hoping that her sister would insist on having the body sent to the camp for burial. And luckily that's exactly what happened. Why he couldn't just sneak in, find her alone, kill her and put the tracking device on her I don't know, but his way allowed him to have sex, so I guess he knows what he is doing.
So now Nikita is ready to enter the fray. She gets armed with typical devices. You know, explosive butt plugs, Benoit balls that double as smoke bombs, and an acid spraying dildo -- The same kind of stuff James bond would use. Anyway, she sneaks into the compound wearing typical spy garb -- That being a camoflage bikini top and camoflage chaps -- As with most spies, it is important to look inconspicuous, and nothing says inconspicuous like having your genitals on display. So, she encounters a guard and does what any good spy would do -- She knocks him to the ground and fucks him. Which makes perfect sense because no other guards are going to show up during the several minutes while you are bouncing on the guy's dick. And of course this somehow allows her to get past him in some inexplicable fashion that they don't show.
Now the sister's husband apparently returned to the camp with his wife's body -- Which makes sense. And his sister-in-law is upset with him for letting her sister get killed -- Which also makes sense. So she punishes him by making him have sex with one of the female guards -- This doesn't make quite as much sense. But after they've fucked the guard shoots him, so that makes a little more sense. Why they couldn't have just shot him, I'm not too sure, but their way involved people having sex, so I'm sure they got it right.
So, Nikita is somehow now inside the building having inexplicably gotten past the guard by fucking him and also having somewhere found a pair of camoflage panties that she didn't bring with her. And they fit her just great -- What luck. She gets to the interrogation room, and blows up the door with an exploding butt plug -- You don't hear that sentence every day -- But the pilot isn't there. One of the guards that was in the explosion tells her that she's back in the holding cell. That was nice of him.
Back in the holding cell, the sister is having consensual sex with the pilot -- Again, nobody seems to be forcing her into anything. She's a prisoner and a slut. Nikita shows up and of course simply joins in. Because naturally if you are fucking a prisoner and her rescuer shows up you're thinking threeway, instead of say, stopping long enough to call the guards. And so they have a thoroughly pleasant time, including Nikita fucking the sister with the dildo she brought on the mission and after they're done she uses it to spray acid into her face allowing them to escape.
When they get outside, they are trapped by the guards but Nikita uses one of the Benoit balls and the area slowly fills with smoke. For the first time in the movie, they have guns and guards in the same place at the same time in such a way that one can make use of the other, so of course the guards all stand there and watch as the smoke slowly covers Nikita and the pilot so that they can escape. It doesn't occur to any of them to just shoot them. They had plenty of time, and it was pretty much point blank range.
So, they escape and Nikita goes back to sipping cocktails by the pool.
THE END
Whoever made this movie must have been on some seriously mind-warping drugs at the time, because this movie should have been called Absolutely Ridiculous. It's set in some rural town, but the dialogue seems to suggest some kind of Arthurian quest -- Sometimes. At times it seems like they are trying to do an Ed Wood version of Lord of the Rings as a porno, but then sometimes they seem to be making a completely different, but just as stupid, movie.
The story starts with the lead character of Swan sleeping naked, above the covers, in bed. This is intercut with a guy and a girl who make some vague mention of some unnamed magical land and then fuck. It's hard to tell whether they are supposed to be in the same room as Swan or not. The way it's cut seems to suggest they are, but you never see her and them in the same shot, so you can't tell for sure.
Next we see two assassins, the female of whom has either a plastic ray gun or a supersoaker. They start fucking almost immediately. Afterward they make some oblique reference to killing world leaders, like presidents and prime ministers and such.
Swan wakes up and phones Snow Queen and arranges to meet up with her and a girl called Pete to go on a quest. They meet up and travel down the road.
They meet a guy who claims to be a wizard. Swan refuses to introduce herself but does introduce Snow Queen and Pete. The wizard has a crystal ball and shows them some of their future. One of the girls keeps asking about how she can return home right now.
At some point there is a random shot of a guy in a fishing outfit sitting in a deck chair in the middle of a clearing, fishing into nothing in particular.
The wizard then has them look into the crystal ball again and they see a couple fucking and then swimming across the river. The guy speaks directly to Swan by name a couple of times and says they'll see her later.
The wizard tells them they will get separated and that one of them will have to eat her way through the tunnel of twats. The girls start walking through the woods and this immediately happens. There's no reason for them to get separated, they just do, and Swan almost immediately is at the tunnel of twats.
The tunnel of twats consists of a five girl scary cave in the middle of a field. As Swan approaches said tunnel, her shorts are off, but once she starts eating out each girl in turn as she crawls through the tunnel, her shorts are back on, but when she emerges from the tunnel, she is bottomless again.
Once Swan is at the other side of the tunnel, a guy shows up and goes off with one of the girls. The rest of the girls and Swan fuck. Then we see a scene of the guy and the girl he went off with fucking.
Snow Queen and Pete meet a girl from Fidgetquim who then disappears. This might be some kind of Cheshire Cat thing, but it's never explained.
Swan overhears the assassins plotting. The male assassin buries a so-called detonator, which looks more like a tv remote control, and the assassins sneak off backwards in some kind of zigzag pattern. I guess they were trying to disguise their tracks. Swan digs up and steals the detonator. She meets up with her friends and tells them about the plot. They vaguely mention telling the authorities, but nothing is ever done about any of this.
All three girls end up in the land of Fidgetquim where they meet three girls. Swan asks about the gross national product of Fidgetquim and the leader tells them they don't like smartasses here. I think they were trying to harkon back to the bridge scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but since none of these girls can act, let alone have any comic timing, the whole thing falls flat -- Much like everything in this movie except the actresses. Swan asks what they do here and apparently they pretty much just have sex, so all six of these girls, plus a guy and a girl who just randomly show up, all have sex. The couple might be the one from the crystal ball, but I wasn't really paying that much attention.
One of the assassins returns and finds that the detonator is gone.
The three girls meet up with the guy in fishing gear. He tells them that the detonator doesn't work. He goes on about the difference between friends and pals.
The girls go into a convenience store and buy milk, buns and balogna. Once they exit the store they see -- A girl! This is obviously so surprising that Swan drops the groceries. I honestly have no idea why this was intended to be shocking. Apparently this girl followed them from Fidgetquim. So they go somewhere and fuck.
Cut to the fisherman back in his deck chair, fishing into nothing, saying that they've got enough of this stupid crap, so they roll credits and while the credits are running, the do a reprise of the last four girl fuck scene.
THE END
The backstory is the lesbian vampire Dracula was really, really evil but was tricked into eating a garlic sandwich by Wally Von Helsing and she died. This also lifted a curse on the Van Helsings, transforming the functionally retarded Wally into Wallace Von Helsing, super businessman. He ran a big corporation and had many great ideas and got his ass kissed regularly by his staff.
Renfield, who lived with his mother, dug up the ashes of Dracula and cast a spell to resurrect her. This also restored the curse on Wally and he became retarded again and was kicked out of his company. Dracula told Renfield to go kill Wally with the gun that just happened to be lying around in the basement. As he went to find Wally, he spied a house where, through binoculars, he saw a pretty girl, so he got a ladder and peered in the window. Apparently this girl was about to go on a date with a guy named Tom, so her roommate prepared her for the date by having sex with her. This Tom guy is never mentioned again.
Renfield continues on to Wally's workplace and just outside he encounters him, but in the retard persona, he isn't recognized. After a weird argument, Renfield continues inside. Wally is then visited by his fairy godmother who tells him to stake Dracula again to rebreak the curse and to follow Renfield to find her.
Inside the company, Renfield encounters a security guard, who happens to be either a Grover or a Cookie Monster puppet, and finds out that Wally was fired. He then stumbles upon a room where a woman is conducting a job interview with another woman. And by conducting a job interview, I of course mean fucking. The interviewee would have to have been seriously deficient not to have figured out that it was not much of an interview.
Renfield returns home, with Wally following, to report his failure. Dracula, unsatisfied, sends him right back out. Wally sneaks in, stake in hand, intending to do her in. Renfield decides to peep at the same window as before and watches one of the women take a shower. How he can see her from the same window that he watched them in the living room in unclear. The shower scenes are intercut with scenes of the other girl masturbating in the bedroom, which I assume he also cannot see.
Wally tries to sneak up on Dracula, but farts, thus alerting her to his presence. She then chases him out of the house and flies after him. Yep, apparently this Dracula flies like Superman, only much, much slower. She seems to fly as fast as Wally runs, which makes things rather futile.
Then there's another gratuitous sex scene, which is conveniently labeled as such, as another woman is interviewed for the job. Again this interview consists almost entirely of fucking.
Back to the chase as she chases him back and forth behind the house where Renfield is peeping until Wally trips over the ladder and knocks him down. Renfield takes out his two guns, although no mention is made of where the second gun came from, but Wally steals one of them and they have a shoot out. They are just shooting straight at each other and not attempting to hide at all, but they still cannot hit each other. Renfield decides to hide behind Dracula because she's impervious to bullets, but Wally shoots at him anyway and kills him. Dracula is about to kill Wally until he offers her a sandwich. Dracula isn't gonna fall for it again, so he calls her chicken. She takes the sandwich and sniffs for garlic, but there is none, so she takes a bite and immediately starts choking. She asks what was in it and he said it was steak.
Wally becomes dapper again and returns to his company. He sees the interviewer, who now is just sitting there naked, when both of the interviewees are called back in. She says she can't make up her mind so she wants to interview, ie. fuck, both of them at the same time. So the other girls get naked and they have a threeway. Afterward the interviewer says she's still not sure and suggests picking it up again tomorrow.
Thus they manage to have a porno where none of the sex scenes have anything whatsoever to do with the plot. It's a real accomplishment.
THE END